Post by RomZomCom on Jan 20, 2006 19:01:35 GMT -5
Finished off my last script. Starting a new one, I've already got a good 65 pages written. Here's a taste, it's basically a fake documentary about a group of people making a movie only the director is thinking will be successful. But everyone else, sticks to the movie because of the one reason... there getting paid. This is a big portion of what I've written actually, almost half. But this is some funny stuff, I suggest you read it all.
INT. AUDITIONING ROOM - MOURNING
A DIRECTOR, and TWO PRODUCERS sit behind a
desk. They stare at a young ACTRESS, with a
script in her hands. The camera consists of one
shot most of the time, moving back and forth as
people talk. Making this look like a documentary.
DIRECTOR
OK, now in this scene MAGGIE,
you've just found out that the
T-REX that you found in your basement
is cheating on you with the gardener.
And this is after words, talking with
the baby T-REX. And you have to look very
angry, and depressed OK?
MAGGIE (young actress)
OK.
DIRECTOR
OK, and ACTION!
One of the producers turns to the
DIRECTOR.
PRODUCER #1
You don't say ACTION in an
audition do you? I think you
have to wait until we go into
filming until you say action
actually, JOHN.
JOHN (director)
Look, just shut up! Maggie, go to
the scene.
MAGGIE
OK.
MAGGIE looks down at her script. Her
eyes get watery, and she looks up.
MAGGIE (in a close to crying voice)
I know you species has been extinct
for 64 million years! But I have feelings
too you know! I thought I had a partner!
When I found your egg in the basement, I
could have just thrown it away any problem!
Do you understand that?!
BLACK SCREEN. The credits roll to Ben King's
"Stand by Me."
INT. HOTEL BEDROOM - MOURNING
JOHN, sits on his bed, in Winnie the Pooh
pajamas.
JOHN (talking to camera)
I actually, found the script uhh...
EXT. OUTSIDE ON RAINY DAY - FLASHBACK
JOHN, runs through the rain.
JOHN (voice-over)
On the ground--
A large folder, filled with paper splashes
in a puddle.
JOHN (cont'd)
In a puddle in fact.
JOHN picks up the folder, and opens it.
The first sheet reads:
A DINOSAUR LOVE
By PAUL McKENZIE
JOHN
So I called up PAUL--
INT. OFFICE
JOHN, has the phone in his hands talking.
JOHN (voice-over)
I told him I found his script,
and I read it and fell in love
with it.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME
JOHN
But I didn't actually read it... I had
looked up his resume on the computer
though. It said that he had written alot
of PORN, so that was good. Because porn
movies are usually quiet good.
BLACK SCREEN. Subtitle appears:
SCENE FROM AN AVERAGE PORNO FILM
EXT. STADIUM
A badly armored knight jumps in a crummy
stadium.
KNIGHT
Where is this tiger I am
suppose to do battle with?!
Suddenly a tiger comes in, and roars. Animated
hearts surround the knight. He runs towards the
tiger, and both begin making out.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME
JOHN
Then, I was quiet confident that the script
was actually, probably, most likely, some what,
definitely, gonna be good.
INT. OFFICE - MOURNING
PAUL McKENZIE, sits behind his office,
filled with a computer, pencils, a telephone
and a coffee mug.
PAUL
I knew right away, that he didn't
read the script. Because, I sent
it to a friend of mine, he was
really easy on my really bad writing.
But he read A DINOSAUR LOVE, and
said that it was so bad, that if had
a choice between reading the script,
or taking a bullet to the head. He'd
choose the bullet... So then he uh, threw
it out the window, and I guess JOHN caught
it-- or something.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM
JOHN
So then I bought the script off of
PAUL for $25, 000. I had enough money
in my pockets to pay the crew. From the
other movie I made, It's Great to be a
Man.
EXT. OUTSIDE THEATRE
The poster for "It's Great to be
a Man" sits on the wall, of a crummy
movie theatre.
JOHN (voice-over)
That movie didn't make much, but it made
me enough to pay for a crew, and a few other
things.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM
JOHN
That's basically how it all started.
Uh.. any questions?
GUY BEHIND CAMERA
Yeah, why do you wear Winnie
the Pooh pajamas?
JOHNs eyes widen. He looks down at his pajamas
and looks up. Staying silent for a moment.
JOHN (embarrassed)
What... uhh... you umm...
never seen a 38 year old man
in Winnie the Pooh pajamas before?
It's the new style... you know.
INT. SMALL ROOM
Producer 1 and 2, sit in chairs, looking
at the camera.
PRODUCER 1
Hello, I'm MATT.
PRODUCER 2
I'm CODY.
MATT
We are actually twin brothers, and friends
of JOHN.
CODY
Yep, he called us up, cause he knew we
had produced a movie before.
MATT
Actually we hadn't, we just didn't
want him to know we were unemployed.
So, we thought of the quickest lie.
And it was that we had produced a movie.
CODY
But we did tag on to actually produce A
DINOSAURS LOVE. And then we were like What
does a producer do?
MATT
Yeah, and we also didn't know what a movie was at
that time either.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
MATT and CODY, posted up some ads around
town, and held auditions at a theatre, near
NEW JERSEY. And, surprisingly a few people showed
up. 4, actually. And there’s only 35 characters in
the script... so it worked out poorly, but it was better
then I expected.
INT. AUDITIONING ROOM
MAGGIE, is reading her sad lines once again.
JOHN (voice-over)
We had instantly wanted to use MAGGIE,
has the role of TRISHA, the lead. But uhh..
(laughs) that was because she was the only female
that showed for the auditions.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME
JOHN
Then we needed a dinosaur. And Cody told
me that, they are extinct. I didn't believe
him at first, of course. So I checked the internet
and it turns out Cody was right. Little known
fact, the dinosaurs died from a meteor impact.
Very few people know that, only brilliant minds
do. But, that ruined it for us, because I noticed
there weren't alot of dinosaurs in movies. So I'd
thought it would really blow audiences minds to see
one on screen.
INT. ROOM - RESUME MATT AND CODY
MATT
I guess we should talk about JOHN's background,
because I know he won't.... He uhh, doesn't remember.
So, the best word to describe John would probably be..
CODY
Idiot.
MATT
Yeah, idiot would be good.
CODY
Retard, dumbass, that sort of thing.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME JOHN
JOHN
The final casting, actually determined that
every actor would have to play 8. 75 characters.
Which, made me really made at MATT, because I
just shouted you know "How is someone suppose to
play .75 of a character?!"
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
The final casting was MAGGIE as
TRISHA, ANNIE, JOHNATHAN, GEORGE,
EVIL T-REX GIANT, HAN, BAN, and
PIP. ALAN, a small 6 year old boy was
the GARDENER, who does it with the T-REX
so that was weird. He also played JIMMY, RONALD,
JACK... uhh... You know what? I can't read this,
this is so stupid.
INT. COMPUTER LAB
TYE, a computer whizz, sits behind his computer,
talking to the camera, but never looks at it.
TYE
Matt asked me to do the designs for
the T-REX. I told him I wasn't too
good at creating. So I had hundreds
of shots of YOSHI, from the old Super
Nintendo games, to use for every T-REX
scene. Which actually didn't look as
awful on screen as I thought it would.
But it still looked awful.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME JOHN
JOHN
It was just money. That was our last
and final problem, before we had to
get ready to go shoot. We needed money
just for sets and props really....
We told the actors we were gonna pay
them 5 000 each. But.. (laughs) we
weren't gonna pay them anything at all.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
We just grabbed any McDonalds in town,
and work their, for about two months. Each
of us, usually two people to a McDonalds.
And all this money was going to a movie...
by the title of "A DINOSAUR LOVE."
PAUL begins laughing his head off.
INT. ROOM - RESUME MATT AND CODY
MATT does a slight giggle.
CODY
It was so stupid, we were working to
make a movie that everyone, except JOHN,
knew wasn't gonna make a dime. And was
gonna make THE POWERPUFF GIRLS MOVIE look
like a ACADEMY AWARD WINNER. So why did we
do it? Why did everyone besides JOHN wanna
do it? Because we're getting paid. Paid to
sit down, and make a bad movie.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - RESUME JOHN
JOHN
So after two months, we had enough money
to pay for props and sets. We were ready to
film.
EXT. OUTSIDE ON HIGHWAY
JOHN, drives his car, while the camera-man
is sitting in the drivers seat, rolling.
JOHN
This is it, day one. We're ready to shoot
the movie. Yes! Man! I am so excited!
YEAH!
JOHN, turns up the radio. "Dream On" by Aerosmith is
playing.
JOHN (signing along, acting like he knows the words)
Dream on! Dream on! Pudda blah gaga muna nana.
EXT. ON MOVIE SET - SIDE OF THE ROAD
JOHN's car parks. MATT, CODY, PAUL, TYE, MAGGIE, ALAN,
and two full grown male actors, are starring at him walk
out of his car. They look very mad.
JOHN
All right people, let's go! Let's
shoot! Come on!
INT. ROOM - RESUME MATT AND CODY
MATT
One thing to know about JOHN, is
he always wanted to make movies.
EXT. ON MOVIE SET - RESUME
The cast and crew still stare at JOHN,
angered.
JOHN
Yeah! (shouts)
WE'RE GONNA MAKE A MOVIE
WOO-HOO! LETS SHOOT THE FIRST
SCENE! YEAH!
TYE
We already did the first scene.
JOHN (calming down)
What?
MATT
We did the first 5 scenes to shoot,
already.
JOHN
Huh? What? Why?
MATT
We were suppose to begin shooting at
6 am. It's 10 am. We couldn't wait for
you JOHN, sorry.
JOHN
Huh? What? 6 am to begin shooting, that's
uhh... who said that?
MATT
You did.
JOHN
Me? I... don't remember. Well...
(shouts, happy again) Let's shoot
the next 2 and call it a day! YEAH!
MAGGIE
That's the problem, it's a scene between
TRISHA and ANNIE. I'm playing both characters,
and it's gonna look like I'm talking to myself.
JOHN, looks at her in silent. He's thinking
hard.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
Then JOHN comes up with an idea of..
well, just watch the clip.
EXT. CLOSE UP OF TV - BAD QUALITY IMAGE
MAGGIE, is pouring tea on a cup, in a living
room, most likely belonging to one of the crew.
JOHN walks in the room, dressed in a dress and a
blonde haired wig. Right when he walks in, it is
easy to tell he is an awful actor.
JOHN (as Annie)
Hey Trisha!
Maggie turns and smiles.
MAGGIE (as Trisha)
Hey Annie!
JOHN (as Annie, twisting her hair)
I like, so totally like, wanna know what
you are like doing this weekend? You know
what I mean Trisha.
MAGGIE (as TRISHA)
Not much Annie. Just hanging out with
my T-REX boyfriend.
JOHN (as Annie)
Oh...my... god!!! That is so totally
awesume.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
JOHN, didn't even read the script.
The whole scene was adlibed. He
didn't even know what the scene was
about. He just walked in, started talking
and MAGGIE rolled with it... You know,
I'd hate to say it. But John's version
of the scene, was much better then the
script version.
INT. MOTEL BATHROOM - MOURNING
JOHN, showers in the bathtub, with a bike
helmet on his head. The camera man, has the camera
zoomed on his face as he washes.
JOHN
So this is day 2 of shooting.
I'm in the zone today, got up
right on time, we know exactly what
we're gonna shoot tod--
JOHN slips on the bathtub, almost falling. He
gets his balance and turns to the camera.
JOHN (pointing to the bike helmet)
And that is why I wear this.
INT. AUDITIONING ROOM - MOURNING
A DIRECTOR, and TWO PRODUCERS sit behind a
desk. They stare at a young ACTRESS, with a
script in her hands. The camera consists of one
shot most of the time, moving back and forth as
people talk. Making this look like a documentary.
DIRECTOR
OK, now in this scene MAGGIE,
you've just found out that the
T-REX that you found in your basement
is cheating on you with the gardener.
And this is after words, talking with
the baby T-REX. And you have to look very
angry, and depressed OK?
MAGGIE (young actress)
OK.
DIRECTOR
OK, and ACTION!
One of the producers turns to the
DIRECTOR.
PRODUCER #1
You don't say ACTION in an
audition do you? I think you
have to wait until we go into
filming until you say action
actually, JOHN.
JOHN (director)
Look, just shut up! Maggie, go to
the scene.
MAGGIE
OK.
MAGGIE looks down at her script. Her
eyes get watery, and she looks up.
MAGGIE (in a close to crying voice)
I know you species has been extinct
for 64 million years! But I have feelings
too you know! I thought I had a partner!
When I found your egg in the basement, I
could have just thrown it away any problem!
Do you understand that?!
BLACK SCREEN. The credits roll to Ben King's
"Stand by Me."
INT. HOTEL BEDROOM - MOURNING
JOHN, sits on his bed, in Winnie the Pooh
pajamas.
JOHN (talking to camera)
I actually, found the script uhh...
EXT. OUTSIDE ON RAINY DAY - FLASHBACK
JOHN, runs through the rain.
JOHN (voice-over)
On the ground--
A large folder, filled with paper splashes
in a puddle.
JOHN (cont'd)
In a puddle in fact.
JOHN picks up the folder, and opens it.
The first sheet reads:
A DINOSAUR LOVE
By PAUL McKENZIE
JOHN
So I called up PAUL--
INT. OFFICE
JOHN, has the phone in his hands talking.
JOHN (voice-over)
I told him I found his script,
and I read it and fell in love
with it.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME
JOHN
But I didn't actually read it... I had
looked up his resume on the computer
though. It said that he had written alot
of PORN, so that was good. Because porn
movies are usually quiet good.
BLACK SCREEN. Subtitle appears:
SCENE FROM AN AVERAGE PORNO FILM
EXT. STADIUM
A badly armored knight jumps in a crummy
stadium.
KNIGHT
Where is this tiger I am
suppose to do battle with?!
Suddenly a tiger comes in, and roars. Animated
hearts surround the knight. He runs towards the
tiger, and both begin making out.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME
JOHN
Then, I was quiet confident that the script
was actually, probably, most likely, some what,
definitely, gonna be good.
INT. OFFICE - MOURNING
PAUL McKENZIE, sits behind his office,
filled with a computer, pencils, a telephone
and a coffee mug.
PAUL
I knew right away, that he didn't
read the script. Because, I sent
it to a friend of mine, he was
really easy on my really bad writing.
But he read A DINOSAUR LOVE, and
said that it was so bad, that if had
a choice between reading the script,
or taking a bullet to the head. He'd
choose the bullet... So then he uh, threw
it out the window, and I guess JOHN caught
it-- or something.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM
JOHN
So then I bought the script off of
PAUL for $25, 000. I had enough money
in my pockets to pay the crew. From the
other movie I made, It's Great to be a
Man.
EXT. OUTSIDE THEATRE
The poster for "It's Great to be
a Man" sits on the wall, of a crummy
movie theatre.
JOHN (voice-over)
That movie didn't make much, but it made
me enough to pay for a crew, and a few other
things.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM
JOHN
That's basically how it all started.
Uh.. any questions?
GUY BEHIND CAMERA
Yeah, why do you wear Winnie
the Pooh pajamas?
JOHNs eyes widen. He looks down at his pajamas
and looks up. Staying silent for a moment.
JOHN (embarrassed)
What... uhh... you umm...
never seen a 38 year old man
in Winnie the Pooh pajamas before?
It's the new style... you know.
INT. SMALL ROOM
Producer 1 and 2, sit in chairs, looking
at the camera.
PRODUCER 1
Hello, I'm MATT.
PRODUCER 2
I'm CODY.
MATT
We are actually twin brothers, and friends
of JOHN.
CODY
Yep, he called us up, cause he knew we
had produced a movie before.
MATT
Actually we hadn't, we just didn't
want him to know we were unemployed.
So, we thought of the quickest lie.
And it was that we had produced a movie.
CODY
But we did tag on to actually produce A
DINOSAURS LOVE. And then we were like What
does a producer do?
MATT
Yeah, and we also didn't know what a movie was at
that time either.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
MATT and CODY, posted up some ads around
town, and held auditions at a theatre, near
NEW JERSEY. And, surprisingly a few people showed
up. 4, actually. And there’s only 35 characters in
the script... so it worked out poorly, but it was better
then I expected.
INT. AUDITIONING ROOM
MAGGIE, is reading her sad lines once again.
JOHN (voice-over)
We had instantly wanted to use MAGGIE,
has the role of TRISHA, the lead. But uhh..
(laughs) that was because she was the only female
that showed for the auditions.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME
JOHN
Then we needed a dinosaur. And Cody told
me that, they are extinct. I didn't believe
him at first, of course. So I checked the internet
and it turns out Cody was right. Little known
fact, the dinosaurs died from a meteor impact.
Very few people know that, only brilliant minds
do. But, that ruined it for us, because I noticed
there weren't alot of dinosaurs in movies. So I'd
thought it would really blow audiences minds to see
one on screen.
INT. ROOM - RESUME MATT AND CODY
MATT
I guess we should talk about JOHN's background,
because I know he won't.... He uhh, doesn't remember.
So, the best word to describe John would probably be..
CODY
Idiot.
MATT
Yeah, idiot would be good.
CODY
Retard, dumbass, that sort of thing.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME JOHN
JOHN
The final casting, actually determined that
every actor would have to play 8. 75 characters.
Which, made me really made at MATT, because I
just shouted you know "How is someone suppose to
play .75 of a character?!"
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
The final casting was MAGGIE as
TRISHA, ANNIE, JOHNATHAN, GEORGE,
EVIL T-REX GIANT, HAN, BAN, and
PIP. ALAN, a small 6 year old boy was
the GARDENER, who does it with the T-REX
so that was weird. He also played JIMMY, RONALD,
JACK... uhh... You know what? I can't read this,
this is so stupid.
INT. COMPUTER LAB
TYE, a computer whizz, sits behind his computer,
talking to the camera, but never looks at it.
TYE
Matt asked me to do the designs for
the T-REX. I told him I wasn't too
good at creating. So I had hundreds
of shots of YOSHI, from the old Super
Nintendo games, to use for every T-REX
scene. Which actually didn't look as
awful on screen as I thought it would.
But it still looked awful.
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM - RESUME JOHN
JOHN
It was just money. That was our last
and final problem, before we had to
get ready to go shoot. We needed money
just for sets and props really....
We told the actors we were gonna pay
them 5 000 each. But.. (laughs) we
weren't gonna pay them anything at all.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
We just grabbed any McDonalds in town,
and work their, for about two months. Each
of us, usually two people to a McDonalds.
And all this money was going to a movie...
by the title of "A DINOSAUR LOVE."
PAUL begins laughing his head off.
INT. ROOM - RESUME MATT AND CODY
MATT does a slight giggle.
CODY
It was so stupid, we were working to
make a movie that everyone, except JOHN,
knew wasn't gonna make a dime. And was
gonna make THE POWERPUFF GIRLS MOVIE look
like a ACADEMY AWARD WINNER. So why did we
do it? Why did everyone besides JOHN wanna
do it? Because we're getting paid. Paid to
sit down, and make a bad movie.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - RESUME JOHN
JOHN
So after two months, we had enough money
to pay for props and sets. We were ready to
film.
EXT. OUTSIDE ON HIGHWAY
JOHN, drives his car, while the camera-man
is sitting in the drivers seat, rolling.
JOHN
This is it, day one. We're ready to shoot
the movie. Yes! Man! I am so excited!
YEAH!
JOHN, turns up the radio. "Dream On" by Aerosmith is
playing.
JOHN (signing along, acting like he knows the words)
Dream on! Dream on! Pudda blah gaga muna nana.
EXT. ON MOVIE SET - SIDE OF THE ROAD
JOHN's car parks. MATT, CODY, PAUL, TYE, MAGGIE, ALAN,
and two full grown male actors, are starring at him walk
out of his car. They look very mad.
JOHN
All right people, let's go! Let's
shoot! Come on!
INT. ROOM - RESUME MATT AND CODY
MATT
One thing to know about JOHN, is
he always wanted to make movies.
EXT. ON MOVIE SET - RESUME
The cast and crew still stare at JOHN,
angered.
JOHN
Yeah! (shouts)
WE'RE GONNA MAKE A MOVIE
WOO-HOO! LETS SHOOT THE FIRST
SCENE! YEAH!
TYE
We already did the first scene.
JOHN (calming down)
What?
MATT
We did the first 5 scenes to shoot,
already.
JOHN
Huh? What? Why?
MATT
We were suppose to begin shooting at
6 am. It's 10 am. We couldn't wait for
you JOHN, sorry.
JOHN
Huh? What? 6 am to begin shooting, that's
uhh... who said that?
MATT
You did.
JOHN
Me? I... don't remember. Well...
(shouts, happy again) Let's shoot
the next 2 and call it a day! YEAH!
MAGGIE
That's the problem, it's a scene between
TRISHA and ANNIE. I'm playing both characters,
and it's gonna look like I'm talking to myself.
JOHN, looks at her in silent. He's thinking
hard.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
Then JOHN comes up with an idea of..
well, just watch the clip.
EXT. CLOSE UP OF TV - BAD QUALITY IMAGE
MAGGIE, is pouring tea on a cup, in a living
room, most likely belonging to one of the crew.
JOHN walks in the room, dressed in a dress and a
blonde haired wig. Right when he walks in, it is
easy to tell he is an awful actor.
JOHN (as Annie)
Hey Trisha!
Maggie turns and smiles.
MAGGIE (as Trisha)
Hey Annie!
JOHN (as Annie, twisting her hair)
I like, so totally like, wanna know what
you are like doing this weekend? You know
what I mean Trisha.
MAGGIE (as TRISHA)
Not much Annie. Just hanging out with
my T-REX boyfriend.
JOHN (as Annie)
Oh...my... god!!! That is so totally
awesume.
INT. OFFICE - RESUME PAUL
PAUL
JOHN, didn't even read the script.
The whole scene was adlibed. He
didn't even know what the scene was
about. He just walked in, started talking
and MAGGIE rolled with it... You know,
I'd hate to say it. But John's version
of the scene, was much better then the
script version.
INT. MOTEL BATHROOM - MOURNING
JOHN, showers in the bathtub, with a bike
helmet on his head. The camera man, has the camera
zoomed on his face as he washes.
JOHN
So this is day 2 of shooting.
I'm in the zone today, got up
right on time, we know exactly what
we're gonna shoot tod--
JOHN slips on the bathtub, almost falling. He
gets his balance and turns to the camera.
JOHN (pointing to the bike helmet)
And that is why I wear this.